I really love this space, and as a recovering people pleaser, I simultaneously worry that it’s not enough of *something* to make it worth adding another message to your inbox. I’m also incapable of doing anything if my focus is perfection and pleasing everyone. So. I’m trying to loosen up and just share whatever I feel like sharing without overthinking. But in sharing whatever I feel like sharing, I’m realizing that I’m not always going to be everyone’s cup of tea (tarot, anyone?).
At the end of the day, I’m doing this for myself first and foremost. But I’m also really glad you’re here.
Has this preamble been rambling enough? Onto the goods.
internal seasonal transitions
I turn 29 next week. I’ve experienced a decent amount of seasonal transitions in my life (29 x 4?), especially growing up in Utah where the four seasons are very much a thing.
This year, however, the seasons feel different. I mean, yes, the earth itself is changing — warming, rather — and the seasons are different. But beyond the flip-flopping temperatures, my internal experience with the seasons is what feels so different and new.
I told my therapist that this year, in a way, feels like the first time I’ve experienced the changing of seasons. Probably because this year, in a way, feels like the first time I’ve experienced being fully… alive? And present? In my body?
I used to live life mostly in my head! Oh, wait, I still kind of do, although less so. But in the past, I’d often get comments from people saying they were never quite sure what was going on in my brain, or that I seemed disconnected from reality. Earth to Maryn.
As I’ve been on this journey of discovering and understanding myself, I feel more fully integrated and grounded as a person in mind, body, and spirit. I realize that kind of sounds woo-woo, but I don’t know how else to put it.
So with the seasons this year? I’m not just seeing them shift outside my door. I’m feeling them too.
looking back on fall
I wrote a little about this as we were transitioning from summer to fall. I had a lot of surprising feelings about saying goodbye to summer, so I ended up making an intuitive vision board to help me process the coming of fall. This was the result:
When I first made this board, I was caught off guard by how weird it seemed. But like, unashamedly weird? And I realized that’s something I needed to nourish in myself. It turned out to be a slightly weird fall — I mean, I got into tarot — and I loved it.
Now winter is coming. I have a lot of feelings. So you best believe I made another vision board.
my winter vision board
I swear I didn’t go into this thinking, “I’m going to make sure this has a consistent color palette.” It just sort of happened. I’m evidently feeling greens, blues, reds, and pinks this season.
Some other things I see:
I find it fascinating that there are three very different faces facing the same direction: the all-seeing eye, the windswept dog, and the blanket-wrapped snuggler. Perhaps these are three facets of myself that I’m tuning into this season: the eye for looking within, the dog for accepting change, and the blanket for embracing rest and slowness.
I see a few things that make me think of little me: the green soft serve, the fish purses, and the Altoid tin collections. The past several years turned me into a minimalist in many ways. We moved so much that I learned to focus on what is essential. But sometimes, if you focus only on what is essential, you miss out on magic, silliness, and fun! I used to have a fish purse like the one pictured. I think I need one again — or other things that inspire silly fun for silly fun’s sake.
I always end up with a few word-based images on my boards. The theme of these images this time around feels like setting down the heavy things weighing on me — anxieties, fears, pains, insecurities, et cetera — and allowing myself to be present and simply live, not worrying about finding all the answers. Just existing. And holding onto the glimmers that keep me steady.
I could keep analyzing, but I think I’m getting the idea:
Looking within. Accepting change. Embracing rest and slowness. Making space for silliness, magic, and fun. Setting down my heaviness and allowing myself to simply exist.
I’m feeling good about winter.
winter reading
I’m enamored with
’s writing about winter and how we can look to nature to find ways of leaning into the dark, cold months ahead of us. Her book Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times is gorgeous and she has shared some recent pieces on winter that are similarly lovely:
Highly recommend.
I’d love to know
How are you feeling about winter? Are you a winter lover or a winter dreader? What did you eat for Thanksgiving, if you celebrated? (We made my favorite Oreo chocolate cream pie again and I’m telling you, it is the gift that keeps on giving.) And lastly, because I am not immune to capitalism, did you score any epic deals over the weekend / this neverending Black Friday season? (I got a new puffer coat and I’m excited to be very warm and toasty and marshmallowy.)
Until next time,
Maryn (is here)
You know the silly fun for silly fun’s sake was my favorite part of this! And like you, I also noticed myself not feeling ready for summer to end which has never been the norm. Normally I’m so totally on board to hunker down through the winter; always felt like I survived the cold months “better” than others. I think part of that was actually just.. I was depressed?? So I was vibing with the depressing months?? 🥲 Essentially here to say - I want to be intentional about wintering this year, too!
I love that you are experiencing things full-body, it is a work in progress for me too! Trying to stay present and just appreciate my life. Or rather, just live it.