Maryn is proud of herself, gosh darn it

On allowing yourself to own your accomplishments

Part of the reason I wanted to start a newsletter was so that I’d commit myself to regularly processing some of the many things forever bubbling under the surface in my brain and my heart. These things tend to keep swirling until I find a way to examine them and find an appropriate expression. And they probably keep swirling even after, but being able to create something out of it all helps some. It at least puts a pin in it that I can look back to.

One such thing that has been bubbling for quite some time that I haven’t quite put my finger on is my lack of confidence in the sphere of “professional,” “career” stuff. For example: I recently graduated with my master’s degree. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve it, like maybe they made a mistake, like I simply didn’t do enough to earn it. Sure, I worked hard for two years, did my best, did things I’d never done before, and grew in ways I’d never grown before (and collected much student debt). But are we sure that means I’m worthy of a master’s degree?

I can’t even bring myself to post this graduation photo on Instagram! Because how did this even happen?!

I’ve analyzed myself plenty of times to try to get to the core of my low self-esteem. I’ve gotten some help too (shout-out therapy and coaching!). I’m aware of the likely experiences and influences that potentially shaped this. I’ve worked on it! But it’s still just… there.

Maybe this is when my own Christmas Carol ghost comes along and says something like, “This is part of life. We’re all faking it till we make it. We’re all at varying, evolving levels of confidence and just trying our best to do the things anyway despite being scared out of our minds.”

And to that, I say humph. Bah, humbug. Or something.

(I kid — it would just be neat if life were easy and I didn’t have to fight my brain all the time.)

I assume that, like most things, career-related confidence probably grows the more you practice and work at it. So right here, right now, I’m going to force myself to practice it.

I spent my two years in grad school developing a portfolio and since graduating, I’ve barely been able to bring myself to look at it. Kind of a bummer.

A good chunk of people reading this likely isn’t even sure what I did in grad school! I studied business and branding with a focus on experience design. This means I learned how to design practically any experience related to brands. We mock-designed a little of everything: UX/UI, 3D models, environments and spaces, games, services, products, events, campaigns, etc. Neat, right?

So! With that!

Maryn is Proud of Herself Show-and-Tell!

Where Maryn shares some of her favorite projects from grad school to force herself to show her work and be proud of it, gosh darn it.

Feelings Place

I designed a concept for a tool/game meant to help kids learn how to process their feelings! This was my independent study project, and thus the most time-consuming and the most mentally grueling. It’s also the one I’m the proudest of. Basically, I asked myself what it would look like if feelings could be like Tamagotchis. It would be a dream to have this exist in real life someday.

Human Haiku

Some of you likely saw my community haiku project where I invited people to write haiku about being human. I shared the haikus on Instagram and in the end, nearly 600 haikus were submitted from people in 11 countries across four continents. Wild! I loved this project so much, but I got a little burnt out and needed to take a break. Then Instagram locked me out of my account which I’m still beyond sad about (I tried desperately to get it back to no avail).

Bistro L’Entrecôte

There’s a famous steak frites restaurant chain in France called le Relais de l’Entrecôte, and for one team project, we imagined what it would look like if the chain came to the States. I designed a 3D model of the restaurant in Blender and it still blows my mind that I did. When I started grad school, thinking in 3D was extremely intimidating and I honestly thought my brain wasn’t capable. Then I had no choice but to try and then keep trying – and behold! I did it. Somehow.

OCD Art Show Passion Project

Sometimes we were assigned to do side hustles or passion projects, and for this one, I entered myself into my first ever art show. It was a show about religious OCD put on by the ARCH-HIVE in Provo, Utah. My piece was this film photograph I titled “Hymn No. 97,” and you can read my artist statement here if you’d like. Fun fact: the entire show was acquired by my alma mater, Brigham Young University. What?!

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Phew. Okay. That wasn’t so bad. I am proud of myself.

*reads draft, flushes with shame, slams laptop shut*

I’m working on it.

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GOODIES

I’ve been a fan of Andy J. Pizza’s Invisible Things project for a while now (it partly inspired my Feelings Place project above), and now it’s a PICTURE BOOK! He shared some free coloring pages for it that you can download on his site. I already colored mine and put it on the fridge like I’m in kindergarten and I love it.

Did you have Marie Callender’s chocolate cream pie with a chocolate cookie crust growing up? I did, and sometimes I miss it. I remembered this NYT Cooking recipe I’ve wanted to try, and THEN mud pie was referenced on Gilmore Girls and I had no choice but to make it. Stop everything: it is divine. Not too rich, not too sweet. Just divine.

Ever since becoming a pixie cut gal, I’ve worried more about my ears/neck/general head area’s sun coverage. I finally ordered myself a BAGGU sun hat with clouds on it and I try not to influence people to consume things they don’t need, but I had to share because I’m so excited about this! Plus this is sort of a need. You know? (It looks like the cloud colorway is now sold out and I’m very sorry about that.)

I keep seeing the “lazy-girl job” concept come up around the Interwebs. I don’t love the “lazy” title, but I’m all for a cultural shift of people intentionally seeking out jobs that allow them to easily prioritize their well-being and lives outside of work. Big fan.

Lest you think I’m over the Barbie movie, I am not. I took Freddy to see it and we both loved it. It’s much easier to take it all in the second time! Here are 20 books to read if you loved the Barbie movie.

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Until next time,
Maryn (is here)