Maryn is here to declare that the vibes are off

On accepting and embracing a new season (plus a bonus hair transformation)

Despite making multiple drafts, I hadn’t posted yet this week because put simply, the vibes have been off. Apparently, Mercury is in retrograde which is not usually something I think about but lately, yes, it is clear that Mercury is retrograding. I’m feeling it.

I think till now I’ve been trying to skirt around the fact that things have been off and just keep chugging along with my usual routine. But it hasn’t worked.

So, like Barbie naming the cognitive dissonance of being a woman in a patriarchal society in order to save the day, I must name the fact that things are a little off-kilter and I am a little off-kilter. And it’s time to recalibrate and enter into a new season of… something.

I think there are a number of influences contributing to the off-ness of things for me, but it occurred to me in my typical ponderous morning routine that at least part of it probably has to do with summer coming to an end.

It’s strange — I didn’t use to be a summer person. I accepted that summer wasn’t for me and survived those months by looking forward to fall. But last year, I sort of claimed summer for my own. I dubbed it “Hot Healing Girl Summer.” I took a spontaneous solo trip to Paris (thanks to COVID-canceled flight credits). I turned it into my season of self-discovery, exploration, pleasure, and fun. This year, I finished grad school, had an identity crisis, and channeled it into starting this newsletter, which has been a genuinely glorious adventure of its own. I love summer now.

I work with a life coach (who I adore and highly recommend) and a few months ago she had me make a vision board. I took to Pinterest and found images that resonated in my soul and in my bones and this is what came out of it:

Image sources are linked at the end!

I look at it now and realize I basically made a vision board for my summer: exploring, collecting, connecting with nature, capturing inspiration, enjoying the journey without knowing where I’m going, creating, friendship, traveling, color, people, movement, lightness, discovery.

I adore my vision board, but with the change of season and apparently my inner world and the general vibe of everything, I hereby declare a need for a fall vision board. This is happening in real time. Signing off now to go make it. Will be back soon.

While I’m gone, here’s how I make my vision boards:

• I use Pinterest off and on all the time, so I go to my All Pins section and start scrolling. When a pin jumps out at me, I open it up in a new tab. (Not overthinking it is key — I go by my gut.)

• I keep going till I feel saturated and have dozens of tabs open. Then I cull through the tabs and leave only the pins open that very deeply resonate with me at this moment.

• Once I have a set of pins that resonate (usually about 15), I download the images and compile them into a board on Milanote. I try not to think about the arrangement and just drop them onto the board in a way that feels good.

• From there, I take a look at the board and try to notice any patterns. These patterns help me identify how I’m feeling and from there the vision starts to materialize.

Okay, I’m back now.

Truth be told, I got to where I had my images culled and sorted, and seeing them all together kind of bummed me out. They felt chaotic and a little weird… and I don’t know. I look at my summer board and it feels so good. And well, this one isn’t not good, but it’s different. You can see what I mean.

Image sources are linked at the end!

If my summer was all about being bright, light, and whimsical, it would seem my fall is about being a little weird, a little absurd, maybe even a little dark, while also trying to stay true to myself and moving towards wonder. After all, these things are all true for me — and perhaps I need to learn to not run from myself when what I see isn’t what I imagine the perfect, shining Maryn to be.

I also see a pattern of allowing for more freedom of self-expression! Less filtered! More true to all parts of me, including anger and absurdity. There’s an element of patience there too, trusting that I am getting somewhere and there is still wonder to be found.

I feel a little better about this new season now. And apparently, Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so I think I saved the day.

In chatting with some friends, it sounds like I’m not alone in feeling like this is a weird, very off time. How are you feeling in this (almost) new season? How are you coping with or embracing the transition? Please comment below if you feel inclined!

Speaking of freedom of self-expression… I got my hair bleached for the first time! I had no idea what to expect and now I look like a pop star or something. It’s already making me want to get more experimental in other areas of my life.

WHAT WILL MARYN DO NEXT? (JK, she already knows because she is sometimes on top of things and booked her next hair appointment. Going full platinum next time!)

Hair by Teresa Justis at The Brass Canary!

Also, if you aren’t already listening to Olivia Rodrigo’s GUTS, then it’s time to correct that now (“all-american bitch” is my favorite track at the moment).

Until next time,

Maryn (is here)

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Summer vision board credits:

Turtleneck dog / Friend illustration / Fortune cookies / Broccoli / Explorer / Wavy grass / Sky pieces / Little Flashes / Abstract painting / Shadow people / Feet in grass / Idk where I’m going / Framed recipe / Train / Apartment

Fall vision board credits:

Orange creature / Funky makeup / Leaning Tower / Running / Mobile / Worm / Hang in there / Flowers / Blue tiles / Angry / Red + greenery / PB wall / Building / True to my heart / Shooting stars